Win a Clarins facial...for men

Repeat after me: I am a very strong, very masculine individual.

The very strong, very masculine voice in my head kept telling me this as I walked up to the Clarins counter in Selfridges for a facial. Yes, a facial. I had ventured into women-only territory and it was too late to turn back.

I realised that whilst I might not take the idea of going for a facial seriously, Clarins girls certainly do

Two ladies in white coats approached me, dressed as though they were ready to take me to a lab for testing. They had the products perfectly lined up and a boisterous part of me imagined knocking them down like dominoes. One of the ladies was dusting, but there wasn’t any dust. I saw her shake her cloth over the shelf just to create more dust for her to clean again. That's when I realised that whilst I might not take the idea of going for a facial seriously, Clarins girls certainly do.

And rightly so. Having a facial is much more than my usual soap and a splash. As I flicked though the booklet of products, the lady explained to me that I would be having a ‘Skin Blitz Facial’. Blitz. Are you mad? You can’t use those kind of words when a man is on foreign ground. It sounded like I was about to come under attack. I grinned, she walked off and I wiped the facial phobic sweat from my forehead.

Did you know that Clarins have 21 products for a man to use on his skin? 21. One of them is an Undereye Serum at £23.49. This apparently reduces puffiness, under-eye shadows and fine lines. Here’s a thought: how about I save my money and get some more sleep? I hear that's free and it gets rid of the bags, doesn't it? But as long as Undereye Serum is stacked happily on the shelf with the other dominoes, it means it must be working for some men, somewhere. Hmmm.

The Clarins girl returned and it was time to get started. Knowing you're about to be pampered is a very seductive feeling. I followed her into a warm room where the sounds of a harp playing and low level lighting created an extremely relaxing atmosphere. She asked me to take my top off and get underneath the towel. To most male minds, that probably sounds suggestive. But the circumstances meant it was more like when your mum tells you to “Get those mucky football clothes off”.

She started with a quick neck and shoulder massage, which felt brilliant, stroking and kneading my upper body before applying the products to my face. Her hands were warm, wet and soft. She also did my arms and even my hands got some attention too, right down to the fingertips. The whole experience ended with a foot massage. It was a full hour, not a minute less. Just before the end she slapped some stuff on my face that made it extra shiny, and that was my only qualm.

No man wants to leave looking shiny. It might be taken the wrong way if you return to your girlfriend looking smuggly satisfied and glistening with what looks like sweat, before telling her you've just been cared for by another woman. So I went ahead and wiped the £42 off my face. Next time I'll have the confidence to ask her to leave that bit out.

The facial itself may or may not have been good because as a newbie, I had no comparison. What I can say is that the Clarins therapist convinced me to treat my skin with a bit of care and attention, and showed me how a facial can make you feel as good as a session in the gym. She also said it was good that I made the effort to shave before my treatment as you get better results that way.

There's a saying that goes: 'Men get distinguished; women just get old'. A lot of women try really hard to defy nature which leads some to keep spending money on expensive products they don’t always need, and it's because society pressures them to do so. Most men, on the other hand, don't give it much thought and if anything, pay more attention to their physical wellbeing than anything cosmetic.

However, looking after your skin is important; just as important as eating healthily and being active, apparently. As far as a £42 Clarins facial goes, it’s a bit like going to the theatre. Two, maybe three times a year is enough. It’s a treat, not a necessity and Clarins offer plenty of products for a man to do a DIY job in between. So until I'm due my next Clarins treat, I'll go home, switch on the music, grab some cheap candles and get my girlfriend to put her warm, wet, soft hands to work...